I had the privilege of delivering an International Women’s Day presentation recently and shared my thoughts on navigating the noise of life and work. I spoke about some rules for living that have become invaluable in enabling me to function more often than not, above the disquietude of life.
Michael Singer, the author, speaks about the human predicament. It’s where we are all assailed by the barrage of stimuli coming at us all day, every day, non-stop and our sometimes, feeble attempts, to keep ourselves from collapsing under the weight of these never-ending demands. For many individuals, getting the inventory of coping skills right, is a hit and miss journey, but if and when these skills are finally coded into rules for living, the noise of life loses its disquieting effect and life ceases to be overwhelming.
It’s important to live one’s life on one’s own terms and to run your own race, without creating parameters that are incompatible with one’s needs, wants and financial capacity.
One rule is to not compare our lives, to the lives of other people. Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s important to live one’s life on one’s own terms and to run your own race, without creating parameters that are incompatible with one’s needs, wants and financial capacity. One common occurrence I’ve noticed, is individuals adopting lifestyles that are driven by external expectations and popular societal norms, only for these individuals to come to the realization, sometimes later rather than sooner, that the chosen lifestyles are simply not sustainable. By this time, disentangling from existing commitments can become a painful and costly exercise.
Another rule is to suspend our expectations of others. This one is a bit tricky, because as humans, we are first schooled and then habituated to holding others to our expectations of them and vice versa. The problem associated with having expectations of others, is that it leads to adventures in both disappointment and joy, especially if the expectations that we have established are unknown to the other party. People show up as they are, many of them doing the best that they can in the moment and in the midst of their battles. We have to be the ones fortified with the tools to push through the encounters, with human interaction expertise, decorum and might I add, a bit of flair.
The problem associated with having expectations of others, is that it leads to adventures in both disappointment and joy, especially if the expectations that we have established are unknown to the other party.
Whenever I wear my service transformation consultant’s hat, I advise customer contact agents to suspend their expectations of customers (and some colleagues). Doing this will save them some grief. So, if there’s an expectation that a customer “should” say “good morning or good afternoon” and he or she does not do so, there’s often a sense of disappointment, or even annoyance, felt by the customer contact agent. There’s vexation associated with the perceived “rudeness” on the part of the customer for not responding with parallel courtesy. I remind agents about the unknown goings-on in the customer’s world, that may have had the customer so mentally pre-occupied, that the agent’s “good morning” did not even register with the customer. Hence my exhortation to “have no expectations of the customer,” just select the right tool from the toolbox, to meet the style that shows up.
Every question has an answer and every problem has a solution, we don’t need to figure everything out by ourselves; we can seek out the counsel of the wise ones who can guide us to the answers and solutions to life’s puzzles.
One of my favourite rules, is that we should not be overwhelmed by life. Life happens. We don’t own crystal balls and we can’t see around corners, but we can feel confident enough to be able to deal with whatever life throws at us. Every question has an answer and every problem has a solution, we don’t need to figure everything out by ourselves; we can seek out the counsel of the wise ones who can guide us to the answers and solutions to life’s puzzles. We just need to believe that the universe was created to support our greatest good.
A grounding rule has been to maintain an optimistic outlook on life. We have the choice to face the day with either a sense of hope, or a sense of dread. History is sprinkled with the inspiring stories of heroes (and sheroes), who have overcome the most devastating odds, to rise to unfathomable levels of personal achievement and excellence. Whilst we meet some of these powerful others through their autobiographies, many of them are an arms-length away from us in the form of familial elders, professional colleagues and close friends. It’s a truly humbling experience to sit and listen in awe, to some of the stories of these “overcomers.”
Living in a state of grace and gratitude is not just a mantra, it should become a way of life.
Living in a state of grace and gratitude is not just a mantra, it should become a way of life. When our lives lack fulfillment, yet are not in a state of total disrepair, that’s cause for gratitude and quiet thanksgiving. When we receive blessings for which we have not toiled or laboured, that’s grace.
So, as these guiding principles and rules for living begin to take root in our lives, we may find ourselves answering the question, “All is well?” with a smile and a hearty, “All is well enough.”